For some time now I have positioned my Christian life goal at humility. I thought that if I could strive and attain that in my daily life then I would be in the position which God desired most out of our lives. I based these views on one of my favorite verses 1 Peter 5: 6-7…

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”

However, my striving for humility also brought along quite damaging effects. Or perhaps the effects were already there, I just masked them with humility to comfort my Christ seeking conscience.

See, I have never been a very confident person. I have always been one to over analyze and compare everything. This lifestyle becomes very depressing when you grow up “mediocre” in everything you do. I compared what I did to the best. In sports I compared myself to my peers, if I could triumph over them, then I would move on to those that were greater. In academics, music, and friendliness my sister was far great then I and so on. I could go on but since you have never heard my name as a well known Olympian, mathematician, or what have you. It can be assumed that I was always able to find someone who was greater then me in whatever I pursued. This caused haphazard feelings, a lack of motivation, and worst of all a desire to be alone. I didn’t want to be noticed unless it was for something great, and since I never viewed anything I did as something great I preferred to just not be noticed.

There are so many flaws in this line of thinking and all of them absolutely destroy the Christian life.

First of all I don’t want people to think that I am condemning a life of humility. I still believe that it is one of the best ways to allow God to use you. I just believe I was missing a key component of it. The life of humility involves recognition of God and His supremacy over your life, but also Christ fulfillment. The flaw in my thinking was that I recognized how worthless I was without Christ in my life, but I did not recognize, or at least I did not apply it to my life, that now that Christ is in my life I can have complete confidence. Not only to come to the throne of Him who has saved me (Hebrew 4: 16), but also to have confidence about using the gifts that God has given me. Even if there is someone who is better or more qualified, if He gives me the opportunity then I should take it with confidence that my abilities are enough to accomplish His will.

I must admit I struggle with this daily, I still desire to be by myself, then to risk looking like a fool in front of people. I have forced myself into positions were I have to be around people just so I have to get over this. I never made people skills when I was younger, so I struggle very much with small talk and things along that nature. I know that God desires us to love and reach out, and that it is impossible to do that when I am alone. I also know that God has designed us each differently, so I may ever be the outgoing person that I sometimes desire to be. I think though that if I am confident in Christ and what he has enabled me to do, then it should be honoring a pleasing to Him…. Which pleases me…